King Midas
Once there was a king named Midas who was favored by the gods. One day, Dionysus granted the king the power to turn whatever he touched into solid gold.
Midas touched a blade of grass and it turned into a finespun gold leaf. He touched an apple and it became heavy and gleaming in his hand. But when the king took bread and bit down on a hard golden crust, he realized his mistake, and said, “What if we had it not work like that?”
So Dionysus modified the blessing such that King Midas turned everything he touched into gold unless that was bad.
“O.K., great, I love the idea of infinite gold, but not the downside,” King Midas said to the god. “So this is way better.”
The Tower of Babel
Once, all the peoples of the world came together to build a tower to heaven.
“Should we worry that our ambitions are so grand that we will offend God?” an old woman asked.
“No,” the peoples of the world said. “Shut up.”
Icarus and Daedalus
“Wheeeee!” Icarus yelled, flying faster and higher.
“Careful, Icarus!” Daedalus called out. “Not so close to the sun!”
But Icarus did not heed Daedalus’ call—he flew higher and higher.
“I love flying really high up,” Icarus thought to himself. “Looking at the sun from up close is the best.”
Thus Icarus learned a valuable lesson: You have to cut negative people out of your life.
The Scorpion and the Frog
There was once a scorpion who wanted to cross a river, so he asked a frog to carry him across.
“Carry you?” said the frog. “But you’ll sting me!”
“Nonsense,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you, we would both die, for I cannot swim.”
So, the unlikely pair began to cross the river, the scorpion on the frog’s back. But halfway across, the scorpion raised his tail and stung the frog!
“Why?” cried the frog, as he began to sink. “Now we shall both surely perish.”
“Got you, ha ha!” said the scorpion, inflating his life raft.
The Monkey’s Paw
“I wish for a million pounds,” Mr. White declared, clutching the monkey’s paw.
Just then, there was a flash of lightning, and the monkey’s paw wriggled in the old man’s hand. The man rubbed his eyes in disbelief—before him sat a million pounds sterling, neatly stacked!
All was silent for a moment, then the phone began to ring.
The old man picked up, and a voice said, “Hullo, I am your son’s boss at the factory. He was almost in an accident just now, but he is O.K.”
“O.K.,” Mr. White replied. “I need to hang up so I can find a big bag for my new money. Bye-bye.”
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
There was once a boy who looked after his village’s sheep. One day, the townspeople heard him yell, “Come quick, there’s a wolf!” and they all rushed out to the pasture to defend their flocks. But there was no wolf, and the boy pointed at them and laughed.
A few days later, the townspeople heard the cry again, “Wolf! Wolf!” And again, they rushed out to the pasture to defend their flocks. The boy was doubled over, laughing at them. “You fell for it, again! Ha ha, the look on your faces!”
Around that time, the boy invested in cryptocurrency, and made so much money that he didn’t need to work as a sheep-watcher anymore. He retired at the age of ten, with fifty million dollars.
Years later, the boy returned to give a speech at a memorial for wolf victims. He spent most of it pitching his new cryptocurrency. ♦
